i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
