My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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