break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
