i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
