Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize