you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
