I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
