In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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