She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
