if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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