Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
