I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
