i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
