there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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