i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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