Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
