Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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