Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
