wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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