i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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