I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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