i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
