Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
