i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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