I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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