well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
