I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
