kristin has been a bad kristin
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize