My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize