I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
