Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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