woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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