I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
