Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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