its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
