so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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