DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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