If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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