what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize