I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
