I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
