maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
