we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
