If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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