If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
