he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
