She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
