Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize