It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
