drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
