dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pants are for mortals
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
