hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
be right there i have to get my cape
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I yelled at your uterus for you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
