So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
