You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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