She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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