I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
