I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
