Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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