Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
