just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am one with the molecules
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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