Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
