I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
