You smell like stripper and shame
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
