A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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